"Oh my gravy!" Happy Birthday, Rachael Ray!

Logan Fazio
"Happy Birthday, EVOO queen!"
Rachael Dearest:

It is with bottles of extra virgin olive oil in hand that we celebrate this special day, your birthday. Rachael, honey, we've even taken the time to label your catchphrase EVOO--one of your favorite things to say--on all our bottle of olive oil. We adore you Rachael, because if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have a clue how to whip up scrumptious meals in 30 minutes or less.

We crown you as the queen of cooking today, dear Virgo; you're admittedly rough-around-the-edges persona helps to demystify the art of cooking, making it a can-do activity for an average Joe like ourselves. We love your bohemian spirit of not wanting to measure precisely each ingredient you cook with, instead you just go with it. Oh what sass you have.

Your spunky girl-next-door personality has us wondering, are you secretly a sex kitten on the prowl in that kitchen of yours? We've seen you so skillfully fondle stalks of corn and fennel over the stove top. Oh goodness, Rachael, you just might be our dream girl. We must mention those photos of you posing for FHM, where you unleashed your naughty side--licking a spatula with dripping chocolate. Rachael, you have us shaking at the knees. You are a wetdream, wrapped in an apron of desire, a vision of food meets provocation.

Oh, Rachael Ray, with your unassuming hotness and charming personality you've warmed our hearts through the years. Fame and commercial success have made you such a food star, we see your products filling the shelves in the grocery store. Your face graces magazine racks and cook book aisles, it's hard to escape your wild success. But we do not frown, you give us inspiration that the American dream is within reach.

You weren't classically trained as a chef, yet you worked your way in the restaurant industry in upstate New York and then the Big Apple, New York City. Now you're an author, host of not one but three TV shows, and you tote a magazine in your name. As you would say- "Oh my gravy!" Dear queen of 30 Minute Meals fame, we only wish we had 30 minutes to hang with you at your table side to celebrate your birthday today. We would drizzle your extra virgin olive oil on our tossed salads, just so we could catch a glimpse of your saucy smile. "Yum-o!"

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