The Five Worst Halloween Candies

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Trick-or-treating as a kid was one of the most wildly exciting times of the year. Forget Christmas -- that was all about getting pajamas from Grandma underneath the Christmas tree. Forget St. Patrick's Day, because beer was for grownups. 

You could even forget about Easter, because being dragged to Sunday Mass at 5 a.m. was the worst kind of hell. It was all about Halloween. 

But while some houses were giving away king-sized Butterfingers, there were the pure satanists who thought toothbrushes, apples, and Necco Wafers would be fun. 

Clean Plate Charlie trolled the bowels of the internet world (forums, comments, and Yahoo answers) to bring you the five candies that people hate most. 


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5. The sugary, powdery candies 

You know what we're talking about: Sweet Tarts, Smarties, and Necco Wafers. A true jerk is someone who thinks it's a good idea to take some sugar, add food coloring, smash it into a compact disk, and then sprinkle more powdered crap on top. And we're still not convinced Necco Wafers aren't just oversized Tums. 

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4. Black licorice candies 

Black licorice has the kind of flavors that make small children weep. There's nothing delicious about candy that tastes like fennel, a vegetable. You know what doesn't make it better? Forcing them into little Good & Plenty capsule forms and throwing some pink and white dye on top. 

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3. Circus Peanuts 

Some genius in the candy world is always trying to improve sugary treats by making them look (or taste) like mother-approved items -- like peanuts, for instance. But that's about as far as this candy goes in the legume-resemblance category. If the VP of Spangler Candy doesn't enjoy the product, then we can't either. 

Again, it all comes down to taste. Whoever thought it would be fun to wedge the foamy "treat" into a peanut shape, make it banana-bubblegum flavored, and market it as delicious should be brought behind the barn and shot. 

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2. Nik-L-Nip Wax Bottles 

Nik-L-Nips are fun in theory, but then you sink your teeth into the wax bottle to rip open the top. It tastes like the wax your orthodontist gave you two weeks ago and now this exciting candy reminds you of pain and sadness. But you give it a shot anyway. 

Then you pour the syrup down your greedy little gullet and cringe at the hit of sugar. It's like a drug, and you've become a sugar junkie. So you drink five more and now you feel sick. After a full 12 hours, you start to feel better, but from here on out, the mere thought of the "real fruit juice" makes you want to vomit. Yum.


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Skeptiva
Skeptiva

I must be a freak because I love all these candies, I especially love anything peanut butter, Kisses, Mary Janes, Abba Zabbas. Circus peanuts have always been one of my favorites, and the clove Neccos and black jellybeans are my favorite flavors. And yes, I'm a big fan of smarties too.

Fabmissy
Fabmissy

I personally always liked Sweet Tarts but those Peanut Butter Kisses...Hell No! What kid didn't put them in the "trade" pile to still end up being stuck with them at the end?

Misha Grosvenor
Misha Grosvenor

Oh my goodness! I like all of those candies except for the circus peanuts and black licorice...surely this is a reflection of my miserable childhood.  ;-)

ErinHilburn
ErinHilburn

When I read the title of this blog, "peanut butter kisses" immediately came to mind. They're the worst, by far! The exception to the smashed-sugar disk category? Bottle Caps. Those things are awesome. 

Bryan
Bryan

I agree with you on four of them, but I'm munching my Necco's as I type:)

Fabmissy
Fabmissy

I just read your article on XOJane! Good work Erin and glad to know you are doing great!

ErinHilburn
ErinHilburn

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it! Trying to circulate! :)

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