Hangovers are For Amateurs. Or Are They? Five Liquid Cures

​It's countdown to the 4th Annual New Times Pairings, where 40 plates and 40 pairings inevitably  will lead to what other cultures call a "tomcat", a "hairache", or "the howling of kittens." 

Though some of you take comfort in late night pizzas, greasy breakfasts, or any solid food item around to soak up the booze, I tend to steer toward liquid therapy. In the event you get carried away with tonight's booze fest, after the jump, some suggestions inspired by New Yorker writer Joan Acocella's "A Few Too Many."

​5. Water and a table spoon of honey. 
I might not have food in my fridge, but I've got honey in the cabinet. Two tablespoons before bed brings me close to normalcy. Turns out, I'm not alone, reports Acocella. "Koreans drink a bowl of water with honey, presumably to head off hypoglycemia."

4. Soup.
Menudo is the most oft-cited soup. Though I'm not gunning for tripe when I'm hungover, apparently drunks in Mexico, Puerto Rico, Greece, and Georgia do. Pho might serve as a decent stand in, especially spiced up with Thai bird chilis and a double shot of cock sauce. Spicy foods fall under the distraction principle: provided it's something that's hot enough to help you forget about your brain hitting your skull and impending nausea. 

​3. Black coffee. 
If you're into all things old school-vinyl, snail mail, writing in pencil, or rotary phones- black coffee might be your go-to for hangover cures. Those who drink black coffee for hangovers might also seek atonement in burnt toast and a run to sweat out the booze. 

2. Pickle Juice. 
This Russian hangover cure makes the drinker thirsty, prompting the victim to drink more water than he normally would. I actually have grown to love pickle juice through pickle backs, so I might segue this into a hair of the dog cure. Not that I'm advocating getting drunk at lunch tomorrow, but if you're really hurting, it does the job: "This will not eliminate the hangover...but it delays the worst symptoms. It may also mitigate them somewhat. On the other hand, you are drunk again, which may create difficulty about going to work," writes Acocella.

​1. Gatorade. 
The ex-frat boy's fall back. Old habits die hard. And, hey. If it works, it works. 

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Thing about hangover cures is to take them before going to bed. A pint of water two or three times during the evening while drinking, a pint before turning in, a pint first out of bed, will do wonders. Then take two one-ounce shots of single malt Irish whiskey, smoke a blunt, and sleep another eight hours.


Pedialyte. Name brand or generic. My local pub used to stock it.


is that the baby electrolytes stuff? jesus, i used to drink that after long shifts at restaurant eve. crazy sweet, but it really works. i forgot about it!

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