Alton Brown Writes a Fanifesto: His Guidelines for Fans

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Food Network
Alton Brown will not sing "Happy Birthday" on tape -- is he tone-deaf?
Alton Brown of Good Eats and various other Food Network shows has written a "Fanifesto" on his blog, altonbrown.com, and it's a sometimes comical look into what happens when average citizens turn into celebrities (which happens a lot, given that there are really no stars on television, thanks in part to the Cooking Channel, Bravo, and Food Network).

In the Fanifesto, Brown says that he's different from a real star like George Clooney (in many ways). You wouldn't waltz up to Clooney and expect him to make a YouTube video singing "Happy Birthday" to your grandmother in Kalamazoo.  But you would with a D-lister like Brown.
The making of a birthday video, by the way, is off-limits to Brown (we guess that he does, somewhere, have some sense of pride).

Also off-limits, according to the Fanifesto, is talking to Brown while you're both in a public restroom, asking him to talk to someone on the phone, taking cell phone pictures (because no one but you knows how to work a cell phone camera), blocking his path (his lizard brain will kick in), and taking pictures of his family (who didn't sign up for the fame game and are still considered average citizens like you and me).

What can you do with/to Alton Brown? Apparently, a lot.

You can take a picture with him, ask him to autograph anything but your body or your hamster, make a fan website devoted to him (creepy), draw him a picture, or bake him a nice pie.  However if you ask him for $12 for the pie, you'll probably get stiffed because he rarely carries cash. Our advice? Bill him via PayPal.

Read the Fanifesto for yourself here.



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10 comments
Beast
Beast

Anne, since you are self editing your postings, please correct your poor grammar as follows: "Just correcting that before any TRULY people try to make me feel bad or stupid about that mistake" People who throw stones - Duh!

You name here
You name here

Why is having a fansite for Mr. Brown creepy? He and several of his Food Network colleagues have fans who maintain sites. There's one for Guy Fieri & Rachel Ray as well as a few for Mr. Brown. It is shameful tomake such an editoralized comment such as this.

Ab
Ab

Actually, in the food world I'm considered a C-lister.  For goodness sakes do your research!

A. Brown

Anne M.
Anne M.

What the two people above me said.  (Oh, AB, when will you realize that research on public figures is a thing of the past?  If you're famous, they can say whatever they want about you sir. That's their 'entitlement") Due to the internet, journalistic integrity(HA!) has been destroyed.  Now, almost anyone with oposable thumbs and a high school degree can write.  'editorials' .  As to the creepy bit, yeah, why is having a website about someone creepy?  Using that logic, we must say that buying season tickets for a sports team each year, taking time off off work to fo, llow a band, to stand outside the barriers at the Oscars, Emmys, Grammy's, anyone who votes more than three times each week for their favorite contestant on DWTS, Or American Idol, America's got talent..can be seen as creepy.And that, I think would be most of us at some time in our lives.You know what's truly creepy?   Making fun of someone for admiring someone.And to A Brown?  If you label yourself as anything, they win.Stick with the so called 'creepy people"  We know how to cook, thanks to you. :)

Laine Doss
Laine Doss

Thanks for the comments - but I'm pretty sure that's not Alton Brown commenting about himself.

Anne M.
Anne M.

Just read my reply over.  It should have been 'High School DIPLOMA'-not degree.  Ooops.Just correcting that before any TRULY people try to make me feel bad or stupid about that mistake.Have an fan freakin' tastic day.

Jlsdame
Jlsdame

Pretty creepy article.  Jealous much?

SWC
SWC

I'm pretty sure it may be.

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