Five Customers Whom Restaurant Owners Should Ban

Seattle Municipal Archives via Creative Commons

"You think that's bad? Let me tell you about my brother's goiter. Your hearing aid is broken? OK -- I'll speak up."

​

5. Anyone wearing Axe body spray -- It's hard to enjoy an aromatic wine -- or, for that matter, plain ol' oxygen -- if the air is filled with eau de Jersey Shore.  

4. People who loudly discuss health conditions or medical procedures that involve exploratory scopes, oozing, and/or swelling -- Not the people who have medical conditions, mind you -- that would be incredibly douchey and, in some cases, illegal -- just the ones who feel the need to share the details of said conditions over a plate of ceviche.

3. Movie consumers who are responsible for stinkers like The Zookeeper hitting the cineplex -- Why should the rest of us have to share dinner space with them?

2. Adam Richman -- Hosting this Man v. Food star implies a certain complicity in the masochism and physical punishment inherent to that stomach-expanding ode to poor health choices.   

1. Yelpers who take their role as a "critic" far too seriously -- They snap photos of every dish in a variety of angles. They whine in person -- and online -- about everything, from the hostess' tone of voice to the color scheme in the bathroom to the quality of the complimentary mint. They eviscerate your favorite local family-owned joint for some perceived slight for which no one could have any control. Yelp reviewers who can't quell the urge to critique every... little... thing are the wet blanket on everyone's dinner party.