Top Five Anthony Bourdain Fantasies

Categories: Musings, The List
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Travel Channel-No Reservations
​What is it about Anthony Bourdain that makes all of the foodie girls go gaga? 

Is it his filthy mouth or his silverish hair? The way his ideas sound so inspiring at the close of each episode? Is it his amazing taste in music or just the fact that he's a complete badass? Whatever it may be, all types of women love him. And probably more so now that he's ditched the smoking and become a lovable media mogul. But there's no judgment here; we understand that you've gotta make a buck, especially now that you have a daughter. 

This is a love fest. In celebration of the older days when he rocked an earring and a black leather jacket and did light drugs, here's the top five Anthony Bourdain fantasies for all of you hard-core fans. 

Tony, in the off chances you're out there reading this, enjoy. (Just don't file a restraining order against us.)

5.  Rachael Ray and Tony Have a Confrontation
We know that a truce has been drawn between the two of you, but can you go to dinner together? Better yet, it would be genius to lock both of you in a room together for three days just to see what would happen. If said dinner ever occurs, Travel Channel, please document it. 

4. A Tony Bourdain Calendar
A 12-month color calendar of a naked Tony covered in inappropriate food products like pork, chocolate, and lard. Thank you, ChefShop.com, for selling Mangalitsa Pig Lard. Tony is six-foot-four, and the lard comes in four-pound buckets; how much do you think we'd need? Maybe we could ask Rachael; she's good at sexing with food. 

3. Partying With Tony
We would love just one full weekend of debauchery, like the good ol' times in NYC's Hell's Kitchen underground with drugs, food, rock 'n' roll, and sex, of course. We could even wake up with a Rachael Dunkin' Donuts cartoon cutout between us just to spice things up. 

2. Working for/With Tony
We wouldn't mind being his coffee bitch or even massaging the Ben-Gay into his deteriorating back. Helen Cho: You have the greatest gig in the world; enjoy the dream while it lasts.

1. Traveling With Tony
Visit at least five destinations à la No Reservations with Tony and Zamir Gotta, his Russian sidekick. Top 5 Destinations: New York, Beirut, Italy, Mexico, anywhere in Asia. 


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6 comments
Imiss 954
Imiss 954

My Anthony Bourdain fantasy would have been growing up with him as my older brother.We are only a year  apart in age.Hanging out in NYC listening to the same music,abusing the same substances and just generally avoiding getting into any real serious trouble. What a charmed life he has and he is hilarious!

freakerdude
freakerdude

Force Rachael Ray to cook from pure 'scratch' ingredients for Tony and make him eat her food for a week......haha.

ErinHilburn
ErinHilburn

I loved this! Thanks for the laugh this morning, Mandy! I would love to go on a boozy food trip with Bourdain. Good times. :)

joe-6
joe-6

Rachel Ray is a train wreck....just saying. Her food is leaden.

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