Five Kids Whom Waiters Hate

Categories: The List
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I look cute, but wait until you give me sugar.
We know that servers hate their customers and vice versa, but no one ever talks about the little monsters who wreak havoc on a waiter's day. The little monsters you call your kids, siblings, or grandkids. I think you get the picture. 

You love them, but admit it, sometimes you want to drive your head through a wall -- and you're related to them! Just imagine what strangers think of them.

Servers, before you quit your jobs, remember they'll be gone in about 30 minutes. If not, spike their sprite/cranberry/lemonade concoction with a roofie. They'll be none the wiser. 

For the safer choice, rant it out after the jump. 
Here are the five kid situations that'll get on your nerves:

5) The Screamer.
"Why are they screaming like they have Tourette's syndrome?" Enough said. 
If you actually have Tourette's syndrome, continue screaming.

4) The Picky Eater.
They order the pizza sans basil and sans cheese, then two seconds later, they change their order to chicken nuggets with extra fries. When the order arrives, one of the following occurs: The food remains untouched, the food is sent back (a piece of parsley made its way onto the fries), the food is taken to go (i.e., the father will eat the untouched chicken nuggets after they sit in the fridge for two days).

3) The Gamer.
They do not interact with anyone at the table or anyone in the restaurant, for that matter. The kid is "IN THE ZONE." By the way, their gaming device costs more than what you make on a good night in tips, and the kid's only 10 years old. 

2) The Silent One.
One second ago, they were crying bloody murder; now, you can't get them to open their mouths for a drink order. Who knew ordering water was a torturing device used in Guantanamo Bay? BEWARE: This situation could easily turn into a scream fest. 

1) The Runner.
They may or may not have ADHD, but they can't sit still in their seats. They run around the restaurant like they're karate kids. Flying plates, spilled food, crying children. Bam, it's a goddamned Taverna Opa. 


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10 comments
Maguirepmaguire
Maguirepmaguire

fuck children I hhate the fucking spawns, they should be bannede.

Recon
Recon

As a professional waiter, mostly in fine dining, my viewpoint on this issue is rather simple. As long as the parents keep their children in their seats, all else is a non issue. In an earlier job, two young children were running wild in the restaurant and tripped a server carrying a large tray of hot plates. One child was injured in the resulting crash and the parents tried to sue the restaurant, the judge threatened to jail the parents for abuse.

Andanin
Andanin

Ok, badly behaved kids can be a challenge as a waiter, in particular the ones that scream and run around, but more often than not, you can distract them with something interesting (our favourite is making them an orange juice with a heap of orange foam on top, then challenging them to drink all the juice without touching the foam).And how are kids with game consoles an issue? Shows the parents thought ahead, keeps them occupied, and doesn't have the potential for crayons on tables/walls/floors that a colouring book has.

Pious Mary
Pious Mary

If you, as a server, hate children so much, find a job in a fine dining establishment or, better yet, McDonald's, where you are safely behind a counter. You don't have to work at a place where your precious ears and eyes may be offended by the mere presence of someone who may very well be your intellectual superior. Suck it up or move on; nobody is holding a gun to your head to work there. But then again, it's easier to think that you are perfect and that your potential offspring would never behave in such a fashion. Jump on that "I hate kids" bandwagon because it's easy to think you're so much better than everyone else. Most of you who complain will one day eat your words.

KennyPowersSays
KennyPowersSays

Adult only restaurants would be a joy. Bonefish Mac's, in Light House Point is a perfect example. When friends suggest meeting there, it gets a no f***ing way from me. Besides the food and service being mediocre, the constant shuttle run from their parent's table to the game room, by the hyper runts, and the ensuing screaming makes me want to beat the crap out of the parents.

Frank
Frank

"If not, spike their sprite/cranberry/lemonade concoction with a roofie."Totally inappropriate comment.

Just passing by...
Just passing by...

This article is not about "hating children" or "being better" than others or thinking that waiters are "perfect and that [their] potential offspring would never behave in such a fashion." You are totally missing the point. This article is about what kinds of kids can be annoying to a waiter. Every job has its challenges, the author writes about one of the challenges a waiter experiences.

Everyone can agree that kids will be kids. And I hope they have a great time being a kid (I sure did!), but parents should realize that they are an important part of showing their kids how to act in public.

No one is perfect but I'm sure waiters would like to at least see a parent trying to show their kids how to behave better. I have no problem with unruly kids (I was one myself), I have a problem with parents that don't seem to care how a kid acts in public--especially if the kid is causing an obvious annoyance to the public.

My 2 cents.

Pamela Dayton
Pamela Dayton

Your joke is not funny. And to tell you the truth, not a word of this article is funny. I find myself wondering why the "author" would hate the gamer-kid and the silent one if children who act like children are so abysmally offensive.

SpiceHound
SpiceHound

What is and is not funny is completely subjective. I' didn't suggest that you find it funny, just that it was a joke and not meant to be taken as an honest suggestion.

Kids will act like kids but it's just plain rude for a parent to expect others to have to tolerate the behavior while they are trying to do their job of enjoy a meal out. If you can't correct the behavior immediately, you remove the child from the restaurant. It's that simple.

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