Last week, we told you about meat glue
-- what it is, what it does. Is there anything it can't
Even as scientific minds caution chefs about the unknown dangers of sticking a slice of smoked turkey on a sirloin, cooks across the country are going crazy trying to best each other in the adhesive-flesh parade.
While true disasters have been few and far between (the deviled ham/vienna sausage incident in Pawtucket was among the worst), binding meat together involves risks similar to organ transplants and limb-reattachment surgery.
Sometimes, the operation just doesn't take. Or the donor rejects the new part.
However, so many people can be helped by meat glue technology that chefs press on ahead, valiantly attempting new bold ways of marrying choice cuts together.
Some of the results are tasty. Some are outrageous. All of them are (cough, cough) very real.
7. Burger-encrusted Peking duck.
Meat glue isn't just about making meat meet. It's also indispensable as an ornamental/decorative adhesive. In this case, the crispy roast skin of the smoked duck is the perfect substrate to attach grilled patties of 80% lean beef. Fans of Hunan Palace Express and Whopper Juniors are advised to check it out.
6. Liverwurst pork chops.
Well, the thing about these inventive little hybrids is that while they're easy to bake or broil in the oven, grilling them wreaks havoc with the liverwurst. It can't handle it, while the pork chop loves a hot flame a few inches away. Some technical bugs still need to be worked out.
5. Halibut with Chorizo Wreaths.
This is one of the concoctions the FDA loses sleep over. "Meat binding technology is so new, so untested, that we can't predict every possible outcome," says Dr. Buford Parks. "Chorizo and halibut are so molecularly incompatible that gluing them together could unleash all sorts of unintended consequences. Weather and tides could be affected, as well as the fabric of space and time itself. It it worth it?"
4. Prime rib with prosciutto pinwheels and mini-burgers.
Okay, with this one, the marriage was heavenly with just the dry-aged, slow-roasted prime rib and the delicate little florets of prosciutto. Adding the mini-burgers is borderline irresponsible. Although a popular discovery, the juxtaposition of Italian dry-cured ham with sliders and a slab of dead cow is visually jarring and smacks of recklessness.
3. Pot Roast Meatloaf.
They said it couldn't be done. But that's because they'd never heard of the magic miracles meat glue is working every day! Only limited by your imagination, meat glue, in the right hands, can render meat marriages so wondrous they bring tears to eyes. As comfort foods, pot roast and meat loaf have always lived on the same block. Why not make 'em sleep in the same bed?
2. Slim-Jim Studded T-Bone Steaks.
So forehead-slappingly obvious! This was one of those natural innovations -- an evolution, if you will -- that was bound to happen eventually. The delicious, juicy and tender bites of T-bone, nestled up against the greasy snap of the meat sticks -- it's one of those perfect meetings of the meats. Outback is working on an Aussie version as we speak.
The chef who invented this disastrous conglomeration has been blackballed from the food-service industry for life, unsurprisingly. Why would anyone take a succulent honey-cured sliced ham, add a chunk of lime-chipotle salmon and a big glop of liver and onions? Because he could. Because it was there. And look what happened. Space/time fabric?