I'm Eating What?! Sizzlin' Bacon Sunflower Seeds

BaconSeeds.jpg
Photo by Riki Altman
Hey! There's no pig in my seeds!
​OK, now the bacon craze has just gone too, too far.

We were down with the whole bacon-infused bourbon thing; we thought the maple-glazed doughnut with a bacon topper and deep-fried bacon munchies were fun novelties; and the whole bacon ice cream fad gave us a giggle. But now, food manufacturers are just getting too gratuitous with the whole essence-of-pig-flesh craze.  

We're drawing the line with this
bag of Bigs Sizzlin' bacon-flavored sunflower seeds. It's just silliness. Not only is there no bacon flavor to be found, even on the most generously bacon-salt-covered seeds, but nothing -- and we mean nothing -- about it sizzles. What a sad state of affairs.

Someone dropped the ball on this one big time. Didn't they read that Wall Street Journal article about adrenaline cuisine? You know, the one in which they say American palates are so bored that manufacturers have to inject hyper flavors just to keep us interested? Even Mountain Dew, the beverage so toxic that it people will drink it even though it shares the same color as radiator fluid, upped its flavor profiles this year with essence of fruit spikes (and even ginseng to boot, because goodness forbid we didn't get enough of a jolt from all that caffeine). 
BigsBag.jpg
Photo by Riki Altman
It's just a Bigs bag o' bummers.
And we're never fans of foods that make us work too hard to enjoy them (Hear that, peel-and-eat shrimp and you damned artichokes?!?). This snack is too labor-intensive and provides no entertainment value in return. And it leaves an icky feeling on the tongue, as if someone made us lick 180-grit sandpaper a few times.

Who should eat these? Only people practicing to become carnivorous parrots in their next life.

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