Malibu Mojito in a Bag a Convenient Way to Carry a Poorly Mixed Drink

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Photos by Eric Barton
We'll give it this much: It's convenient for office drinking.
It came in a nondescript box in the mail one day, this bag of liquor. The container inside had convenient little handles at the top, a spout at the bottom, and a simple promise: mojitos anywhere.

And that sounded pretty good. Mojitos have to be one of the most refreshing summer drinks, but it's not like you're going to muddle some mint and whip up a simple syrup at a beach barbecue.

The bag in question came in the mail as a sample from Malibu rums, which also whips up bags of rum punch and "Caribbean cosmo." The mojito version's package promised a blend of mango, mint, kaffir lime, and Malibu coconut. All sounded promising.

So we propped it up in the middle of the newsroom. The
tap is a bit tricky at first, and with no instructions on the package, we finally figured out it required removing a strip of plastic from the top. That revealed a button to dispense a liquid best described as looking like electric pee.

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The color, however, was much better than the flavor. It didn't taste like mango, mint, kaffir lime, or coconut, really. There was an underlying rum flavor, but after that, it was reminiscent of hard candies found at the bottom of Grandma's purse. That's if Grandma leaves her purse in hot cars a lot and the candies liquefy over and over, getting stuck to debris and pennies and makeup pieces. Thanks, Grandma!

It also tasted a whole lot like Jolly Rancher vodka shots. If you haven't had that college-kid institution, it involves dropping a bag of the hard candies in a jug of the cheap stuff and freezing it. The candies dissolve and turn into a brew that even freshman girls will find too sweet.

The lesson to be learned here is that if you need mojitos on the go, consider the fact that you have strange requirements for your beverage of choice -- and that you won't find anything resembling a mojito in this bag of liquor.

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