What's Your Ideal Hamburger?

By John Linn Thu., Jul. 22 2010 at 10:37 AM

Categories: The Critic

John Linn

Maybe not my ideal, but damn close.

One of my friends -- we'll call him the esteemed Dr. Niles -- recently posted a question on Facebook that had a bunch of people talking. The question goes, "your ideal hamburger... what's on it? how's it cooked? bun type?... go!!"

Naturally, few can resist this type of inquiry. What is an ideal burger? Is it a thick, chefy concoction with braised short ribs and truffles? Or is it a simple griddle-cooked patty, topped with only ketchup and mustard? The answers some people gave are as varied as they are interesting. Among the highlights:

"It really depends on my mood... but bacon makes every burger better."

"You're right, bacon does make everything better."

"Cooked medium well... i want lettuce, loaded with pickles, cheese, bacon, peanut butter, m&ms, maybe some guacamole? :) ,mmm!!!"

"I want me a medium burger on a poppy seed bun bacon mushroom and cheddar cheese. pickles... i just described Char Hut... tee hee"

"Medium rare patty, freshly ground, about 1" thick and griddle charred outside with lots of kosher salt. A potato bun toasted inside and soft on top. Melted cheddar cheese. Maybe some caramelized onion. Bacon kills the burger flavor, for me."

"Two patties Medium. Five slices of bacon, sharp cheddar, fried onion straws, spicey bbq sauce, ketchup, mayo, shredded lettuce, on a sesame seed bun!"

Can you guess which one is mine?

Now I pose the same question to you: What is your ideal hamburger? Be specific with technique, meat, cheese, and bun type. Let's see whose sounds the best.

Tags:

best, burger, Hamburger, ideal, poll, toppings

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The perfect burger, for me, has got to be: 1/2 lb., fresh ground beef patty, cooked on a flat top griddle to just a touch under medium, with a generous seasoning of salt, and a little pepper. Toppings: crisp iceberg (leaf), slice of tomato, raw yellow onion, dill pickle slices, yellow mustard (not too much), along with well melted American or cheddar cheese. As for the bun: nice and soft with a thin outer crust; definitely not firm/hard or too doughy either. Ahh, perfection!
Excellent, I was right! How do you feel about burgers in the non-traditional category? My husband made salmon burgers with sliced avacado and wasabi mayo for dinner, and they were fantastic. Sometimes, of course, you just want a good ol' fashioned beef. But otherwise?
I know this DR. Niles personally. He used to have "MEAT IS DELICIOUS" written on this back pack in high shcool. I like Grilled Pineapple, Sweet and Spicy BBQ and Applewood Bacon on a Hawaiian Bun..Yuuuummoooooooo
Good Grief. Mustard and BBQ sauce on a Burger. I see why they call you Freakerdude.
87/13 fresh ground beef (nothing leaner) grilled to medium rare seasoned with salt, fresh ground pepper, onion powder, and garlic powder. Cobblestone Mill bun (kaiser or onion) toasted on the grill with bottom half of sliced pickle chips, Bookbinders chipotle mustard, fresh sliced onion. Top bun with Cabot extra sharp cheddar, ketchup or a smokey BBQ sauce, and romaine.
Ok, here we go: double patties, cooked welll done, we're talking hockey puck/Wesley Snipes black. On a potato roll, with cheddar cheese on the bottom bun, between the burgers, and on the top pattie, at least four stips of maple bacon (pepper bacon is good as well), with a sweet bbq sauce, and a pickle spear on the side. I want you's to know, I'm salavating right now.
@Dennis: No problem, no offense taken. When I make burgers at home I often put chopped onions inside as well (and garlic too). I have a friend who throws green pepper and teriyaki sauce in that mix as well. They actually come out surprisingly juicy. @Joe: Spicy! Reminds me of Bobcat Bite, a 57-year-old burger joint in New Mexico that was on that Food Network best burger thing done with Bon Appetit. @DFG: Heck ya, buffalo is great as long as you cook it right.
I tend to like using ground buffalo when I can find it. Otherwise patty cooked medium rare, salt, chipolte sauce, saut� red onion, sharp cheddar cheese, spinach leaves, and a toasted bun. Exact bun tends to swing depending on my mood.
Sorry, it was a joke. I chop onion and work it into the chopped meat, Salt and pepper it, grill it medium rare, melt some cheddar and serve on an english muffin with ketchup.
I removed the first comment. If you want to contribute to the conversation, that's great. Otherwise, if you're just going to be nasty for the sake of being so, you can do that elsewhere. @ Erin: That's right! (Though it's second to last now, I added another). I agree, seasoning is a big part of the equation.
Grilled sirloin patty, medium, on an untoasted focaccia bun with green chiles, applewood smoked bacon, sauteed mushrooms and sliced red onion atop a thick, melted slice of pepperjack cheese.
I'll bite. I'm going to guess yours is the last one. I do love a good Char Hut burger. My ideal? Medium-Med Well, lettuce/tom/pickle/melted cheddar cheese on a sesame seed bun. Mayo on the bun, ketchup on a well-seasoned patty. Recently tried Latin Burger, and despite all the hype, they weren't as good as I'd hoped. The patty was under seasoned, which killed the rest of the burger for me.