Ten Excuses for Eating at McDonald's
In this post-Fast Food Nation, post Super-Size Me, anti-corporate clime, there's hardly anything less PC than taking your jalopy through a Mickey D's drive-through for a greasy gut-bomb. Especially now that the Indie Burger Revolution has rolled through, what with all those Grandpa Jed's Olde-Timey Hamburg Emporiums, and small-batch newbies like Six Mens, with their free-range fries and what-not. Jeez -- why not just slurp down a BP milkshake and club a baby seal while you're at it, you scumbag?!?
Lucky for you, our hung-over and hungry little pal, we've come up with ten clever lines you can deploy to mitigate the guilt-tripping the next time your girlfriend leans in for a kiss then recoils: "Ew! Did you just eat at McDonald's??!!"
For maximum impact, wipe those sesame seeds off your shirt first.
10. "I read in Maxim that a Quarter-Pounder is just like a meaty Cialis -- without the headaches, blurred vision, and facial flushing."
9. "You know, if it wasn't for all those donations to the Ronald McDonald House, your sister
8. "C'mon, hon -- I took out that middle-bun-thingy from the Big Mac to cut the
7. "You mean to tell me you're not the least bit curious about the radioactive half-life of a Shamrock Shake?"
6. "I'm just doing my part, tryin' to put that last nail in Jack N the Box's
5: "With the windows down, the scent of salt and grease came wafting in, and I
accidentally mistook it for alpine wildflowers I wanted to pick for you."
4: "I thought eating a quintessentially American meal might give the U.S.
an edge in the World Cup." (This one failed miserably.)
3: "Sorry, but the intrepid adventurer in me cannot rest until I fully
understand the mysteries of The Special Sauce."
2: "C'mon, babe -- them cows are already dead!"1: "The slogan 'I'm lovin' it!' really reminded me of our first date together."