Stephen Colbert Topples Domino's New Ad Campaign

By John Linn Thu., Jan. 7 2010 at 2:46 PM

Categories: Restaurant News, The Critic

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In case you missed it: Last night on the Colbert Report, host Stephen Colbert performed an on-air vivisection of Domino's Pizza's horrid documentary-style ad campaign that showcases corporate chefs fessing up to their just how bad their pizza is. Or, uh, was. Because, apparently, Domino's "faced their critics and reinvented their pizza from the ground up." The company now claims to be using better herbs, a whole new crust, and "real cheese."

Jesus, what was on it before?

What I find most funny about the video posted on the Domino's ad website (besides Colbert's mockery of it) is how hard the company claims its chefs worked on the new formula. "We basically had to start over," says one executive. "We worked hard to find the best combination of...10 crust types, 15 sauces, and dozens of cheeses." Give me a break.

Is the formula for good pizza that difficult? Making a pie is not like curing cancer or developing the nuclear bomb. What those chefs worked so hard at was to find a way to make crap, processed ingredients that will keep until the End Days taste marginally OK to the average American palate. Maybe it takes some doing to develop a garlic butter sauce for the crust that you can mass produce and pump into 9000 stores worldwide, I don't know. Either way, I sure as hell don't want to eat it.

I'm really not the least bit interested in trying Domino's new pizza. No matter what their campaign asserts, it's likely to still be only a vague interpretation of the real thing. Not to mention, it's not exactly difficult (or expensive) to find real pizza these days.