New Website Discovers the Cure For Obesity

meadowlandsparkinglot

The Jabaconageburger with cheese, a cheeseburger topped with sausage and bacon and sandwiched between two Jamaican beef patties. Urg.

Food porn is all the rage these days. There are entire sites devoted to the obscene pleasures of voyeuristic foodie-ism, and they're growing in number each day. Just this week, food writer and chef Anthony Bourdain explored the subject on a special episode of his Travel Channel series No Reservations, complete with over-the-top camera angles and plenty of double-entendre about cream sauces and long, hard sausages. But the latest food porn craze is a website that revels so desperately in absurd gluttony while simultaneously mocking it that it's hard to look at it and not come away with coronary blockage. It is, the aptly-named, This is Why You're Fat.

Today's pic -- that disgusting concoction of Jamaican beef patties and cheeseburger you see above -- is just the tip of the iceberg. Spend a couple minutes on the site sampling such goodies as "the garbage pile" and (appearing on Short Order before) "the bacon double fatty melt," and your self-loathing just builds and builds. I mean, do we really need to be this self-destructive? What's next, a website for children of divorce entitled "You Are The Reason Mommy Left Daddy"? A montage of depressing photos for people on suicide watch called "It Feels Like Heaven Once All That Evil Finally Seeps Out of Your Wrists"? I'm not so sure it's really all that healthy and empowering to embrace all the terrible addictions in my life -- I already spend too much time guzzling beer like a 50-year-old NASCAR fan and supplementing my World of Warcraft addiction with a blog roll the size of Perez Hilton's ego. I frankly don't think I can take much more of this! If only I had something that would instantly make the pain go away... say, like a bacon shell taco! Oh sweet relief!