Top 10 Obama Election Ramifications On The Food World

Illustration by Alex Izaguirre

The Obama election affects not only the whole world, but also the food world. Here are ten predictions on how this might play out:

1. Hula girls will replace mariachi bands as the most annoying dining distraction, and restaurant owners will find it increasingly profitable to put pineapples on pizzas and chicken kabobs.


2. The younger generation of Cuban-Americans will experiment with substituting tofu for ham in their media noches.


3. A legal dispute will arise between two Kendall coffee shop waitresses, each claiming credit for coining the phrase “You betcha!”


4. The upscale/casual chain Houston’s will change its’ name to Richmond’s.


5. A Miami restaurant tax will be levied upon all diners from Missouri -- just because. Residents of that state will be polled to see whether or not they believe the tax to be discriminatory. Fifty percent will say “yes”, fifty percent “no.”


6. The Reverend Wright will open a fast food joint in Chicago and call it “God**** Good Burgers!”


7. John McCain will eat at a prominent Miami dining establishment; a waiter will later confess to the press that “the Senator took an inordinately long amount of time to vet his menu choices.”


8. In terms of restaurant decor, blue becomes the new red.


9. Sales of sushi and arugula will soar. Culinary losers: Spam, white bread, mayonnaise, beef jerky, and Kraft single slices.


10. A great vegetarian restaurant will open in Miami. Hey, if an African-American with the middle name “Hussein” can get elected President, anything can happen. Repeat after me: Yes it can! Yes it can! Yes it can!