Don't Try This At Home, and other reasons to eat at Lulu's

Deep frying a turkey can destroy your home, kill your neighbors, and ruin your life. It happened to a friend of mine. This was in Chicago, some years back. He turned on his heating element -- something red and dangerous looking, made by a company with a Japanese sounding name -- and filled a little metal barrel with oil. The oil sat over the top of the little flame, and soon it was gurgling around and looking mean. But it was alright until he stuck the bird in. Then, the oil seemed to explode from the top of the barrell, running down its sides and all over the heating element below. Suddenly, the fire was snaking through the yard, running everywhere faster than we could think to extinguish it, feasting on the dead autumn flora and blazing in a beeline straight for the barn of his neighbor, Mrs. O'Leary, where she kept her favorite cow.

Things went poorly for my friend after that, which is why I'm telling you: don't deep fry your own turkey, delicious as the idea might sound. Let Lulu's Bait Shack do it for you. They're at Beach Place in Fort Lauderdale. So, Lulu's fried turkey: you get all the fixings, or "fixins," as they say, for only $59.95, and you can get the bird a la carte for $39.95. Click on through for the contact info.

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-- Brandon Thorp